Query Letter Blogfest

The Query Letter Blogfest is going on today to help writers improve the first impressions we make on agents. My query for ONE LAST TIME is below and I'd appreciate any and all thoughts. I definitely need to make this better.

Here we go:

Dear Agent,

[Reason I'm querying this particular agent] My Contemporary YA manuscript, ONE LAST TIME, is complete at 50,000 words.

Fifteen-year-old Bailey refuses to waste her last days immobilized in a hospital room. The sickness that’s ravaged her body and made her life wretched is about to kill her, but she's not going to lie in bed like a vegetable waiting for death to find her. With the help of her best friends, Bailey breaks out so she can enjoy one last day of freedom.

Free from the hospital, Bailey attempts the normal, everyday activities she’s been denied: driving a car, visiting the mall, even going to school. But then her heart gets in the way. When Bailey discovers love in an unexpected place, she questions her willingness to die for the first time. Suddenly, she has someone – and something – to live for, but she has to decide if that’s enough to return to the hospital to suffer through her last days in the place she’s grown to loathe.

Per [Agency Name's] submission guidelines, I have included [whatever they ask for]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best Regards,
Me