tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post8274386017484678304..comments2011-07-27T04:58:17.053-07:00Comments on Across the Page: Epic Follower Blogfest / Contestduwarrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17808867257167768008noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post-28575591632565989732011-04-02T19:34:50.850-07:002011-04-02T19:34:50.850-07:00Your pitch just about broke my heart. Poor kid :-(...Your pitch just about broke my heart. Poor kid :-(<br /><br />So tough to help when I don't know more of the story. Instead of disease-ravaged, maybe give us a hint of what it is she has. If instead of leaving hospital to hang out with friends she was trying to get a kiss (or whatever) from hot crush... that would make it more irresistible! <br /><br />Good luck!Yamilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08769312615756253197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post-68896041978224665232011-04-02T19:25:32.921-07:002011-04-02T19:25:32.921-07:00I think you could cut 'disease-ravaged', a...I think you could cut 'disease-ravaged', actually. and I agree with haleywhitehall -- she leaves the hospital, has a great day, and dies? What's the conflict?<br /><br />Good luck!blankenship.louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541461775158369620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post-76198652915562992242011-04-02T18:15:35.340-07:002011-04-02T18:15:35.340-07:00i am interested but she must have really cool frie...i am interested but she must have really cool friends to risk death to hang out with them. desease ravaged sounds pretty dirty though...<br />douglas esperAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post-78552222032766650552011-04-02T17:19:32.493-07:002011-04-02T17:19:32.493-07:00Or maybe this is one of those stories that begins ...Or maybe this is one of those stories that begins at the end when the MC dies? Or she is somehow going to survive because she leave the hospital. It certainly gives me pause to know more. Good job!fOIS In The Cityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06347958777030988677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7037719663450583588.post-47980486156544630672011-04-02T17:02:32.051-07:002011-04-02T17:02:32.051-07:00Hmm... I like the story idea, and of course I do n...Hmm... I like the story idea, and of course I do not know your novel, but after reading your pitch it makes me think of a story that could be told in just a few pages. What exactly is the conflict? If she already knows her fate then the conflict is already resolved. Does that make any sense?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com